Gracie's first day of school

Well it has come! The IEP is done, the bags are packed, and tomorrow Grace goes to her first day of school. My baby, my little 2 (yes maybe almost 3!) year old baby has to get on a bus ALONE without me, and ride to school, get off the bus, then spend 2 1/2 hours at school then ride the bus home without me again! Needless to say, while I am excited about the oppurtunity and what it is going to do for her (and me!) can I just say mommy is having a HARD time with this! What ways did you cope with your kids going to school?

What pregnancy and mothering books fail to tell you!

Congratulations! Your pregnant! You've joined the ranks of about 75% of the women I know right now, including me! Is it just me, or does it seem like the whole world is pregnant right now? This is my third time around, so I figure by now I know what I am doing (insert mocking laugh here!). You know those annoying people who constantly chirp in "Every pregnancy is different" EVERY time you make a comparison between one pregnancy and another? Well unfortunately, even though you may want to slap them, they are right. Children (and pregnancy) are like snowflakes, there are just no two alike. That being said, there is still some common info that can help (or might be nice to know) regardless of the number of pregnancy you are on or how many kids you have, as well as just some random tips I have learned along the way!

1. The more kids you have the sooner you can expect to experience everything.

You are likely to feel the baby move sooner, begin to show as much as a month earlier, and feel fatigue much more intensely. Your body remembers what it is supposed to do now, so it will much quicker to make changes. Your uterus doesnt shrink completely back to the size it was before each pregnancy, allowing to change quicker. Your abdominal muscles can also be weaker from already being stretched out and as a result you may carry lower with each pregnancy. Every woman is different so while many women will experience this, not all women will.

2. No one wants to subscribe to the pregnancy channel 24/7!

I am ecstatic to be pregnant (when I am not hanging my head over a toilet at least!). I am sure that you are happy for me that I am pregnant, but I promise you, I am WAY happier I am pregnant than you are about it! It is easy for women to get caught up in gushing about everything from their morning vomit session, to the weird thinks leaking from their body. Unfortunately, the rest of the world does not want to hear it! If you are like me and want to find a way to talk about it, write a blog, talk to another pregnant friend, talk to a stuffed animal. Just try to remember your friends are excited about the changes in your body, but they dont want to talk about it all the time. It is also very important to remember, we dont know everyone's situation. Someone may be struggling to get pregnant, and it could be very insensitive to make them hear all about yours.

3. Once you have a kid pregnancy goes to a whole new level.

Take some advice from a wise old woman (ok, maybe I am young and dumb, but I DO know this!), it is NEVER going to be a breeze being pregnant and caring for your kid you already have. When I was pregnant with my first daughter, my best friend and I use to go hang out with friends every weekend, work 40+ hours (we worked in a factory all summer with NO AC and I was lucky enough to work at a machine that put the plastic on the cardboard to hold pieces on, how hot do you think THAT got!) getting up sometimes at 4 am for work and staying up till 10 pm at night. I was able to lay down whenever I had down time and take a nap if I wanted, so I would keep up a hectic schedule. When I found out I was pregnant with my second I had 4 foster sons (twin infants, one not quite 2, and a 14 year old boy) as well as Emma who had just turned 2. Not only did I not get naps during the day, I also did not get sleep at night! Common sense kicked in quickly and we stopped fostering. Even with just 1 child to care for, I found my second pregnancy much more tiring, not mention I puked for 9 months straight! If you have a friend who is pregnant with a second or third, be a cool friend give them a break once in a while, even though they may not realize they need it, they do! There are a lot more demands being put on your body than you may realize. I know I find myself hormonal and exhausted, and I am only 7 weeks into my pregnancy!

4. Really I promise, NO 2 pregnancies are the same.

My first pregnancy, you would not have known I was pregnant. I rode horses, bikes, and rollerbladed all throughout my pregnancy. My best friend and I played full court tennis (yes that includes running!) 3 days before I went into labor! After having my Emma, I am pretty sure you could have gone cave exploring in the rip she left behind. It took me weeks to recover! Lets fast forward to baby #2 (also sometimes called Grace ;). I think all I saw for 8 months straight (it started around 4 weeks) was the inside of my toilet or whatever bowl was closest to me to grab! I carried 2 kinds of medication at all times, and my husband use to have to come home multiple times a day to help change diapers and get my medicine if I had not gotten to it quick enough. I pulled every ligament in my stomache and use to have to push her out of my ribs just so I could breathe. After I delivered Grace, I never even felt like I had given birth. I was chomping at the bit to go home the next morning, and my mom can attest to the fact I went right back to my regular schedule and felt completely fine. Now with baby #3, I notice differences from the other two already! I have WAY less morning sickness, but I find I am totally exhausted all the time, and much more hormonal than I was with the others. Let me give you a word of caution from a hormonal pregnant lady though, we dont really want to hear 15 times a day how all pregnancies are different, we are living it.... we know!

5. Delivery? Unless its a package.... I dont care!

Whether you are a first time mom or the octamom, you dont want to hear the delivery story of every woman out there! There is never a reason to get into the habit of sharing your horror story with the someone getting ready to have their own! No one wants to hear how you sneezed and popped out your kid (although it is fun to brag about being one of those!). If you are asked to share your story by all means share it, but please refrain from having to be "the one" who has to top everyone with their birth stories. Once you have had a kid, you know what to expect, it really doesnt change all that much!

6. What really happens after having your 2nd, 3rd child etc? Is it really different?

YES! No matter what you read in a magazing, about stretches, excersises, or whatever when you finally get the go ahead to have sex again, unless you have the grand canyon in your nether regions, it is going to be uncomfortable. It is also going to be different, and with every kid you have after it is going to change. It is just a fact of life. And finding the opportunity to actually even get to have sex? You can kiss goodbye the days of throwing your spouse on the closest flat surface and christening every room of your house. Most likely any flat surface will be covered with either dirty dishes or a leftover PB&J sandwich you made 3 days ago in a sleep deprived coma. It is very normal for your sex life to take a back seat, but just dont let it hang out there to long. Babies, toddlers, and older kids make demands on your life. It is hard to juggle all of that and find time for your spouse too. We all get sucked into the problem of defining ourselves by our kids. How can you not when every three hours you have one hanging from a boob while one or two more are asking you to read to them, change their diapers, help with homework, make something to eat, settle an argument, and we havent even looked at the house work yet! Is it the most frustrating thing you will ever do? Most likely, but in the end it will make you happier than you have ever been. Just remember, your marriage is just as important as your kids, and if you dont make time for that, then everything else gets 10X harder. Who cares if there is laundry or your house isnt perfect. Taking an hour after the kids are in bed to just sit and talk to your spouse will more than make up for all of that!

Having kids is a lot of work, and we all have our own opinions. I managed to write an entire blog post on mine! I am guilty of not following my own rules all the time, and I am glad the people around are still able to put up with me, your friends will to, but remembering a few tips may make them enjoy the time with you a little more!

Uncle Sim

As we grow up, a part of life is saying goodbye to the people we love. I still remember when my Great Grandmother died. It was my first trip to spend a week alone with my Grandma. I was at my Great Grandparents house (we called them Granny and Pa) when Granny had a stroke. I was to young to remember much about it except that I had to stay on the porch and play with Spud McKenzie, a stuffed dog I had won at the arcade. Pa died many years later after spending several years in a nursing home. They were amazing people.

This is Granny, Jennings, and Edna Earl holding me when I was a baby.

This is a picture of Pa that same year. He was an amazing man! He built his house with his own hands and nails. The house still to this day is standing strong! It is a beautiful home that held generations of family, memories, and love.

This picture is of me, Granny, and Pa in their home when I was 3 years old. The strongest memory I have of them is that Granny always kept gum in a drawer in her kitchen and we always knew we could get gum out of it! Pa was big into puzzles. He had a horseshoe puzzle that you had to get the ring off of, and a nail trick as well. I love games like those to this day because they remind me of them. I also have a book I wrote about Pa when I was in gradeschool, shortly before his death. I cherished my visits to him in the nursing home, even though looking back now I know how unhappy he must have been there. Not many people get to have the time and memories I was blessed to have of my Great Grandparents!

This is a picture of me and my Grandpa when I was 2 years old. There is not enough room in this blog to share all the amazing memories and times I spent with him! My Grandma and Grandpa were divorced before I was born and my Grandma remarried another wonderful man who took great care of her. He took such great care of her in fact, that I often told them both, "If I marry a man who is half as good to me as Ted is to Grandma I will be perfectly happy!" Whenever I went to visit my Grandma I would get to spend a few nights at my Grandpa's house. I loved exploring all the old tools and items in his basement. He would always buy me a jar of pickles that I would eat and drink the juice. We also always made popcorn in his air popper that I was fascinated with. He would then sit and play his guitar and sing to me. He had cut off part of his ring finger in a wood cutting accident but it didnt stop him from playing guitar. He was amazing. I LOVED to listen to him play and sing. I remember the day he gave me his guitar. It was one of the most memorable moments in my life to this day. I felt I wasnt just being given a guitar, I was being given a prized possession and an important part of my Grandpa's life. After having several health issues, my mom moved him to Illinois to an assisted living place where we could be close to him. I value that time and regret it as well. I loved to get to spend time with him, but it also makes me sad and regret every moment I had the chance to spend with him but didnt because I allowed silly things to keep me from stopping by. He died shortly after I went off to college. He had a very peaceful and content passing.

This is my Uncle Sim. He is 89 years old. He lives at home on his farm, that he farmed himself until very recently. His wife has Alzheimer's but still lives at home with him along with their daughter who helps to care for them. Growing up I loved to stop at their house, he always took me for a ride in his truck to go see the cows and horses he has. His horses were wild, but they would come right up to him and eat out of a bucket. He always had a dog or two and some cats as well. It was fun to go and talk about horses and tell him what I was doing. Last night I found out he had been moved from his home to ICU and was not doing very well. Not many people can say that stayed at home and farmed their own farm their whole lives. He is an honest man who has lived an honest life, not spoiled by the problems so many of us seem to face in this country and by our government. The last report I had sounded like he was doing a little better, but he will probably not be able to go home again. While I am very sad to think about him dying, a part of me is happy he has had a long and full life, one that I hope someday my grandchildren and nieces will be able to write about me.

Growing out of labels

At out last appointment at the Achieve center I was told something I hear often and it drives me crazy! Call me nitpicky but it really got on my nerves.

While Grace meets with her therapist I meet with a counselor (not sure if she is a behavioralist or family counselor). We watch her through a 1 way mirror and talk about whats going on, suggestions, etc. On Monday she said to me, " Within 2 years Grace will grow out of her diagnosis." I want to make a couple statements you may or may not agree with, but just bear with me and hear me out. 1. I do NOT believe autism is a diagnosis you grow out of. Nor do I believe any diagnosis is one you grow out of (ie depression, bi-polar, diabetes, etc). 2. I do NOT believe it is wrong to label your kid.

Now that I have probably offended half the people reading this, I would like to explain myself. When someone gets a diagnosis, we are all so quick to "fix it". To make it sound better. So we tell ourselves things like, oh it will go away; or they will outgrow it. I do not believe a child with autism will outgrow it. I do however, believe with all my heart, they will learn to manage it. I absolutely believe my daughter will go to a regular school and as she gets older, no one would ever guess she is labeled autistic. That doesnt mean, if something changes she isnt expecting she will handle it like any other kid. That doesnt mean if she doesnt get enough sensory input she will jsut deal with it. It means, that she will learn to manage it. She will learn coping skills that will allow her to adjust. We may not have to carry chewy tubes, but she will probably carry gum. We wont have to carry fidgets, but she will doodle. We may not have to brush her, but she may have a way to get deep pressure massage at home. This still means, if you surprise her she may not like it. She may not be super outgoing (or maybe she will be!), she may not like to be touched certain ways, and certain things may always upset her. She will grow up to be the person God has intended her to be. Autism or not, she is not defined by it, but it IS a label!

Now to the part I am sure I have offended everybody with! We often avoid seeking help for our kids for fear of the dreaded label. Whether we label a child or not, they are labeled. You are labeled and I am labeled. There are labels that are very hurtful and wrong, I am certainly not going to argue that. No child should ever be called retarded, crippled, strange, ugly, fat, or many other hurtful words. When you hear label, those are likely the words that come to your mind. I think its to easy to forget, there are other labels out there too. Beautiful, sweet, smart, kind, honest, helpful, outgoing. I can make the list of good labels much easier than the list of bad. For so long we have been afraid to allow any sort of label to be put on people. We are the ones who have made a label a bad thing. I think we could be the ones to make it a good thing! I am not afraid for my child to be labeled autistic. Along with that label, comes smart, beautiful, mischevious, frustrated, and many other labels. I dont see any of them as bad. Just like our words can be hurtful, labels can be used to hurt people as well. I think, just as we teach our children NOT to use the hurtful words, we could also teach people NOT to use the hurtful labels.

Just some thoughts that have been rolling in my head. I dont in any way want to offend anyone with it, I just wanted to share how I felt.

New additions in the Fiedler house!!!

Last Thursday was an eventful day in our house! The season premier of Grey's Anatomy was coming on. I am a HUGE fan, so I was excited to watch it. We also have Awana on Thursday from 6:30-8 and I am a listener there so I am there from 6-8. Emma earned her first book and vest and Grace earned her Cubbie book! Yay girls!! Emma was VERY excited to get her vest, and when she found out she would need to wait for it to come in, you can imagine the meltdown that followed! Grace was ecstatic to have her new book and just wanted to look at it. I wanted them to get home and go to bed so I could watch Grey's! The last week or so I havent been feeling the greatest. I ended up in the walk-in with chest pain one day and have been dealing with a cough and just general achiness. So I am sure you can imagine the chaos in my house! I managed to get the girls home and in bed by just a couple minutes after 8 and settled down to watch Grey's. I have been off of birth control for about 10 months, so when I go to the Dr, the first question I get is, "could you be pregnant?" the answer frequently ended up being I dont know. As a result the last time I was at the walk-in they wouldnt put me on antibiotics until I knew for sure. I called Aaron right after I sat down and asked him to pick me up a test just to make sure I wasnt then I was heading in Friday morning to ask for antibiotics to try to clear up whatever was going on with me. After waiting another 1 1/2 hours (in which I nearly peed my pants!!) Aaron came home with a test. I rushed to the bathroom to take the test. At first glance, it was negative. As I leaving the bathroom I went to toss the test and realized...... there was a +!! I called Aaron in to make sure I wasnt seeing things. His reaction was hilarious! The lines were not the same shade of darkness (which they do not need to be!), so he didnt believe it. I took another one in the morning and then headed to the fastcare for confirmation. Its official! The newest member of the Fiedler house will make his/her appearance the end of May or beginning of June!

I am a mix of emotions (and nausea!) right now. I am VERY happy to be having another. I have felt strongly for about a year that I wanted another child. Part of me is sad to know this will be my last. Part of me is scared to have another child that could be on the spectrum, but I firmly believe God would NEVER give me more than I can handle! I have an amazing God who will take all my troubles and carry the burdens so I dont need to! Overall, however, I am ecstatic! I had a blast telling everyone about it! I am definitely not one who can wait several months before sharing the news! I think the best reaction I got was from my mom. She is on a trip and I insisted she call me, I wouldnt e-mail her, so when she called I told her I had her anniversary present. There was a split second of silence and then she put it together right away! Aside from the morning sickness with my second child, I have always loved being pregnant and have been very blessed with 2 easy births!

The one concern I have is how crazy our lives are over the next year. Grace has started therapy at a new place, she starts school in a month, and in Feb. Congo comes home! Emma is in school and adjusting to a new and much busier schedule. I am looking into finishing my last year of school! I have made some great friends since moving here, and I am happier here than I have been anywhere else we have lived. I know that I have friends I can turn to, and I definitely feel my relationship with God and grown and been challenged since moving here also. Even though there are some scary things going on, the good DEFINITELY outweighs the bad! I cant wait to see all the things that are going on! I look forward to sharing them with you as we go through them!

Achieve Center

I'm sitting in my house, and its a wreck! Let me tell you, there are all the dishes from dinner (and of course we have friends over so there are twice as many dishes as normal!) still on counter, the carpets need to be vacuumed and swept, there are clothes (clean and dirty!) everywhere that need to be folded and put away. Do I even need to go into how the playroom looks? One of my biggest struggles as a mom is how my house looks. I feel like I am constantly apologizing for the mess and making one excuse or another for it. There are certainly days where dishes get done, laundry is put away, and I would eat off my floors. Having 2 kids and dog, however, these days are few and far between! My days are often full of diapers, wiping away tears, playing mediator, and cleaning up whatever mess I can get to. They are also full of games, make believe, exploring, and playing outside. There is a twist to my life though. It is also full of therapy appointments, evaluations, and meetings. I have a 2 year old with PDD-NOS, a form of autism. She also has a Sensory Processing Disorder. My daughter is beautiful and smart and incredibly fun and funny! Her older sister is amazingly smart and SO advanced for her age. Another part of my life is spent constantly looking at Grace and weighing whether what she is doing is normal 2 year old behavior, what is extreme, what do I need to interrupt, change, ignore, respond to. I also constantly struggle to NOT compare her to Emma. Emma was so far ahead of everything and is SO well adjusted and just a great and easy kid.

Ever since Grace got her diagnosis at 18 months my life has changed. I never questioned her diagnosis (although many around me have and still do!), and I did "all the right things" that I was supposed to do. I started the paperwork to apply for ABA therapy for her. That was my whole end all be all goal. I quit my job so that I could pursue therapy through them and put my whole dream career on hold. After months of waiting, a move across the state, and a new job for my husband (which promised initially to hold the opportunity to seek therapy through his new jobs insurance) and filling out all the paperwork and getting a second opinion, both of which strongly recommended ABA therapy..... we got turned down. Every avenue we have pursued has been turned down.

It is very hard to hear no, when you know that is the best option for your child. The thing I realized I was forgetting, was that it was SO important to me to get the best for my child, I forgot I already had the best. I have God. Who could possibly have a more vested in my child than the one who made her?!? One of the most quoted versus about children in the Bible is, "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.'" Matthew 19:14 Also in Mark Jesus says, "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me..." Mark 9:37. If the Heavenly Father whocreated my child is taking care of her, who cares if I get therapy or anything else for her! This has been something I have struggled with off and on the last year. And like always, when I finally let go and said "God I am putting this in YOUR hands and not mine" then a solution shows up!

Many of you know in February we will be getting a service dog for Grace. Its been an up and down roller coaster of emotions from excitement to fear about paying for it, back to excited about the effect it will have on Grace. Where do we go from there though? I have been thinking a lot about the long term for Grace. We all know what she is capable of, but how to get her there. Well today we got a taste of that answer!

Through a set of circumstances that were definitely led by God I finally managed to apply at the Achieve Center. I did this knowing nothing about it except that since we have moved I have been told over and over I should go there. Even after applying there I knew nothing about it! Yesterday we had our meeting with them to set up a treatment plan (I was certainly confused at first since they had never even met Grace!) We now have a plan with them where they will meet with her 2x a week and work on ABA therapy, play therapy, work on her social interactions, work on her emotions (mainly the aggression and anxiety) and even incorporate some sensory therapy into it (although they dont call it that). When I told them about the dog their first question was, can he come with her? I was ecstatic! Between the Achieve Center and what she is getting from school and Congo, she is getting more and better therapy than I had ever dreamed for! I was convinced the only answer was 20 hours intensive ABA therapy in my home, but once I let go of my plan and my control over it I got something WAY better than that! She is getting therapy is several different social settings that are going to focus specifically on those goals we havent yet met for her! PRAISE GOD! :)

School and lines

It is my baby's first day of kindergarden tomorrow! I am excited and at the same time really sad! She went to preschool last year, but now she is going to all day school and starting lots of new activities! I am SO proud of Emma and what an amazing smart and good girl she is, although if I could keep her little forever I probably would! I am excited to see how her first day goes tomorrow. I am going to be a room mom in her room so I will get to help out and be a part of her class! She is joining several activities as well. She will be doing swimming lessons, poms, and Awana! It blows my mind how once school starts kids lives get SO busy! I worry about having enough time to spend with her! I just have to add, in the process of writing this Emma was a "spring chicken" we caught, cooked and ate, we talked about the chrysalis (we cant call it a cocoon!) we have in a jar, read a book, and have talked spanish! She is so smart is just constantly amazes me! And she certainly has the best imagination EVER!

Grace's life is changing lots too! We started really focusing on her communication when we moved here. We had amazing oppurtunities with Birth to 3, they have done amazing with Grace! Our initial focus was simply to get her to communicate. We had to reinforce You ask, you get. So if she asked for it she got it! It was great at getting her to talk, but it was also creating a monster we knew we would have to deal with at some point. Gradually we worked at shaping our responses to her, we do not always say yes, but we try to avoid no (although we do say no sometimes now as well) by being careful in how we word it. She has just blossomed in her speech! SO it is time to reevaluate what our goals are. We need to work on getting her talk to other people now, and we also need to start addressing the "bossy" behavior. She is use to getting everything she wants and if she throws a fit she gets her "calm down" items. She has definitely started using screaming and fit throwing to get what she wants. Up to now we have mostly ignored her when she does this, but I think it is time to really start addressing it. We have finally been able to establish "time-outs" in her room. Today was her first big one and it went pretty well. It took her a long time to calm down, and she is still getting upset quickly, but its a good start! Now that she has the language skills we just have to start getting her to use them! I am beginning to see a lot of impulse control issues with her. Some seem pretty ordinary for her age, but I also see some that have the potential to get out of control if we dont address them now! Well, this is about all the time I have to sit down for the moment! We off to play some games now!

Mommy's week off :)

It has been a while since I have posted, lots has been going on! I will start with the FANTASTIC 3 days and 2 nights I had without my children! I was struggling a LOT the week before the trip, but as always God knew just what I needed! I was listening to Focus on the family and they were talking about the importance of not letting your kids become your whole life. If you are like me and your kids often become the center of your life, I highly recommend listening to this. It put into perspective to me that it was important that I take that step and walk away for a few days! So what did I do? What any other mother would do who needed a few days away.... I went camping with the youth at our church! I love to camp and my husband and I haven't been able to go since Grace was born. SO my sister-in-law came to stay with my girls and I got away. It was a great time away and forced retreat since there was little to no cell service there. We went tubing and kayaking and I got a chance to get to know some great kids! The best part was, no diapers, no crying, no on waking me up at the crack of dawn, and NO dealing with autism! No convincing people she had it, or working on new treatment ideas, or talking with therapists, or discussing her meltdowns over dinner, or even rejoicing over the happy moments either. It was a complete break! I think when you have a child that requires more attention or has more needs it is SO easy to allow our identities to become completely wrapped up in them! The more attention that child needs, the less we feel we are able to get away. If nothing else, I have learned the opposite is true! It becomes that much MORE important to get that break, or else soon you will be so consumed with needing to care for others you quickly spiral into a vicious cycle of being to tired to care for yourself properly OR your kids properly! So how do you keep that from happening? Well, its way easier said than done! We are still working on that answer! What are your suggestions?

Dr apts, school, and more!

Grace went for a nurse apt yesterday and to see her allergist today. We also spoke with the school psychologist about some options for this fall. We have been struggling with her behavior a lot the last couple weeks and have been hoping for some answers!

At the nurse apt, we mainly wanted to check her weight since she hasn't been eating much lately. We did find out she has grown 3 inches since April! She has lost a little weight but not enough to be concerning yet. We are going to try adding some pediasure to her diet to make sure she is getting all the vitamins etc that she needs and just see if this is just a phase she is in.

The allergist had a lot of info, but unfortunately no answers. I am happy nothing is wrong, but a little frustrated there is nothing we can fix! The rash she had is most likely a reaction from the strep she had. I did learn that what most people think is an allergic reaction to an antibiotic is often just a reaction to an illness. She will most likely also have the same reaction down the road if she gets strep again. It is good to know I dont need to worry about the rash at all! We also talked about the fact that she seems to pick up EVERYTHING she is around. He did say that will likely get better overtime and will actually have a positive effect on her allergies. On the downside there really isnt anything we can do to improve it. I did ask about different vitamins such as fish oil and the many other ones we hear that are supposed "magic cures". I love this Dr because he is totally honest! He pretty much told me, they will not hurt, it may help, but it may not. There is not a lot of real research out there to back up whether or not vitamins really make a difference (this is obviously aside from someone who is actually deficient in something!). He said there is more anecdotal evidence for it (someone who has tried it and noticed a difference for themselves) and it would be something I wouldn't see a change in right away but more overtime, I may notice she has fewer strep infections a year kind of thing.

We also talked about a gluten free diet. It was a pretty similar discussion. He doesn't feel she has symptoms at all of a gluten allergy, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't benefit from a gluten free diet. I was excited to hear that if we did decide to try it we would see a difference in a few weeks (MUCH better than what I had originally heard that said it took 6 months to see a difference!). I think we will probably try the gluten free thing for a while and see if we see a difference. If we don't we will just go back to our regular diet.

I also talked with the school psychologist today about Grace. I was hoping to start her at the same time as Emma to minimize the need for repeated routine changes. We are going to do sort of a mix. If she did start school Birth to 3 services would end, and I want to keep those going as long as possible! The school system also doesn't have a responsibility (for lack of a better word!) for kids until their 3rd birthday. His suggestion is we set up some "visits" for Grace so she can start to get familiar with the room and people in it and can start to feel comfortable there and begin to get into a routine gradually. I think this will work well. Given how much she has started to meltdown and have tantrums again lately, I think a more gradual process will be better for her.

Thats all for now! Now I am off to make dinner for my girls!

Activities for flubber!

If you havent read my post about flubber, check it out! The girls LOVED playing with it (as did the youth at the church I attended! We found way to many ways to entertain ourselves with it! lol). So here are some more ideas of what you can do once you have made it, please add your own ideas as well!

Put beads or small items in it to find.

Let it flatten out and press different shapes into it

Roll it into a ball

roll it into a snake

Squeeze it

Bounce it

Flubber! Great sensory idea!

This is a great, easy and cheap recipe! Its a WONDERFUL sensory tool too!

1 1/3 cups warm water

3 teaspoons borax

Stir together well

1 1/2 cups warm water

2 cups glue (about 2 large bottles)

food coloring (if wanted)

mix together well

Poor the borax and water over the glue mixture

(Get ready to get sticky! lol)

Let it sit about 20 seconds then carefully flip it over

it will be semi solid and very sticky, continue to flip until only about 1 tb of water is left and the outside is less sticky and holding together.

lift out mass and allow excess water to drip off

Flubber!

The more you play with it the more "solid" it gets, let it sit on your hand and it turns more "liquid" VERY fun! Once it is made its not very messy and easy to clean off surfaces.

As you play with it and roll it, it becomes more solid. I stored mine in ziploc bags.

The S word?

Its almost that time.... school! Emma is going to be in Kindergarden. She went to preschool last year, but she went between her dad and I so it was somewhat scattered. She is going to kindergarden here this year and it is the first time she is in real full-time school! I am excited and nervous about it. I am excited for her to get to be around lots of kids her age, but a little worried about some of the habits she will pick up. This will also be all day school so it will be interesting to see how she does with that. Grace is also starting school this year as well! I am losing both girls at the same time. Grace is starting special ed 4 mornings a week. I am a little excited and a lot nervous about that! I am waiting to hear from the school if we can actually start her at the same time as Emma (normally she would start the week before she turns 3 which is the end of October). Given some of the recent behaviors we have seen, I am very concerned about her adjusting to Emma going to school then also having to readjust when she starts to go to school. Emma will also be gone a couple weeks right before school starts so this also has a big impact on Grace's behavior. I dont know what the state laws are so, they Grace may have to wait, but it is my hope to start them all at once! Emma's Nana is a child's advocate for the state so I am lucky in that area I do have her to help me out and answer questions for me and let me know what laws are. We have been seeing a lot of anxiety and OCD tendencies beginning in her. I am going to be trying to get in touch with a neuropsychologist and see if they can come up with some new ideas for us. Grace has come such a long way, but we are kind of stuck in a rut right now and need to come up with some new ideas! Do you have ways of getting out of a rut when you feel stuck with your kids?

Trip to Pic N Save with a happy ending!

All of us have those stories of getting angry at people when we are at the store or whatnot doing something while our child has an epic meltdown. I have come home furious many times and I have also made comments to people in stores many times when they have given me dirty looks when Grace is screaming. Today we had what I like to call an epic meltdown. You know what I talking about! The one where she is screaming so loud and so hard you can hear her, where you have learned to face her away from you so she cant hit and kick you. Grace was also trying to bite me, but was tensing her whole body so hard that it was obvious to everyone she was MAD!! She doesnt have these to often anymore, although lately we have been seeing more and more of them. What set her off? We were in the car cart, and she kept trying to push Emma out, so I took her out. For those of you who havent dealt with an epic tantrum, let me just say, this is not a 2 year old just angry about not getting her way (hence the word epic! lol). After I finished checking out and managed to get out of the store, I got Grace in the car and strapped in. I was just getting the groceries to put in the car when I saw a woman walking out. Of course, right away I thought, oh great here we go. She was obviously walking towards me. Then she came up and told me she wanted to commend me for how I acted in there! Instantly I teared up and thanked her and explained Grace was autistic and when she gets worked up, just doesnt have the skills to calm herself down. The woman told me she was so happy with how I responded and that I hung in there. WOW! I think it was worth the meltdown to hear someone give me a positive response for once! There was no judging and no telling me what I should be doing, just acknowledging a tough situation and thanking me for how I handled it. That woman was definitely a blessing for me today! :)

TGIF!

The weekend is here! Yay! I am excited and a little bummed, there is SO much going on this weekend it doesnt really feel like a weekend! Today I went garage sale shopping. I got a TV stand that holds all the girls videos and still has an empty shelf. I got a bookcase that is painted yellow and already matches the girls room, it was just right for putting Emma's electronic toys in her reach and out of Grace's. The playroom is finally completely organized! In our house the rule is (in theory!) that you take out one toy and before you play with another you put the first toy back. As long as I stay on top of the girls they do pretty good with this. What ways do you have to keep your kids putting away their toys? This way works for us, but only as long as i am staying on top of them. If I get distracted trying to keep the rest of the house clean then I will get everything else clean only to find their room is a mess again! LOL I heard a quote once, A mother trying to clean a house with kids in it, is like shoveling when its snowing. I think this is true! Do you have any tips or tricks that you use to keep your house clean?

Our visit with Congo, 8-3-11

On Wednesday we went to visit Congo. As you can see, he is growing! He was very hyper the first couple of minutes (which is definitely to be expected since he is ALL puppy still!) but then he quickly settled down. Grace had a pretty rough trip there, as soon as we were in the car she was asking to go home. Since it is a 1 1/2 hour car ride you can imagine how that went! She was pretty standoffish the whole time we were there, I got a couple cute pictures of her and him together. If you would like to see them, check out our facebook page Service Dog for Gracie. Congo had not seen Gracie in 2 months. I was expecting him to be very bonded with the family training him and not initially react to Grace. Well I was wrong! The INSTANT he saw her he ran to her and was all over her with kisses and climbing on her. Once he settled down she didnt really want anything to do with him, but he just watched her and went where she did! Even though I had the leash and I was the one petting him, he had his eyes on her the whole time! I followed her around with him for about an hour like this. At one point she was swinging on the playground, and he was laying on the ground just watching her. I am convinced he knows he has a special purpose in her life. God is absolutely showing me this is the right thing to do. Every time I feel worn down and find myself praying and asking God if I should continue on this path, the answer I get is an overwhelming yes! Some great things are happing with the fundraising (but that is a blog for tomorrow!). GOD IS GOOD! The trainer let me know after we left Congo howled when Grace was gone! I thought that was so cute. I am excited to update you on everything happening with the fundraising, but for now, I am off for some much needed rest!

Visiting Congo on Wednesday!

Grace has been talking about Congo like crazy the last few days! We are going to visit him on Wednesday, I was excited to tell her about it today. Emma will be meeting him for the first time, and we are bringing Jersey with us as well to see how they get along. He was in our house a couple weeks before going off to training, but this is the first time since he left Jersey will be seeing him. I am excited to see him as well. I feel like its these visits that give me the energy to continue this journey! There is NO doubt in my mind or in my heart that this is exactly what we should be doing for Grace. I will be honest, however, and say the process is definitely wearing me down. It has been MUCH harder to fundraise than I anticipated it being! I love talking to people, but its not feasible for me to have Grace with me when doing things like going door to door or meeting with groups of people. Since she is always with me, this is drastically cutting down my ability to go and get the word out. We have been having a lot of issues with Grace being sick or just plain having meltdowns so I have been in the house a LOT lately and havent had much time away from her. The last few days I have had to hold on the knowledge that I feel strongly this is the right think to do for her! When I picture Congo here I can absolutely see where our situation will get better. These times like now when I feel trapped in the house because of her behavior will hopefully not happen as Congo and Grace bond and learn to interact with each other and he helps her through these moments. Grace has become more aggressive over the past week, and I am constantly monitering her interactions with Emma. We have rearranged their rooms in order to have a room with no toys that is bare bones for Grace to go when she is overstimulated. ABA therapy would be so perfect for her right now. I am hoping after her birthday we can get on the waiting list to help address some specific issues! Soon she will start school, so I hope that will also help! The next brat roast is this weekend! I am excited about the oppurtunity to make more connections and raise more money for Congo! I hope you come to visit us at Walmart!

Saturday night church service!

Today was a much better day for Grace. We still had a few small meltdowns, but they were pretty easily handled. Her rash is still visible, but slowly it is beginning to fade. Our church recently switched to Saturday night services instead of Sunday morning. My girls LOVE it! They love getting to stay up a little later at night and love to go play with their friends. Right now I am a teacher in Emma's class and this fall I will be switching to Gracie's class. I love being able to be a part of their learning at church and home about God. I LOVE to hear Emma's answers in class and to see her talk about the things she learns. We have started reading a Bible story every night recently. She does great at listening and answering questions and remembering what she hears. She even talks about it over the next few days and applies it to her life which is even better! Now that the girls are sharing a room I think we will add Grace to our story time every night. Tonight we learned about the lame man who was healed and able to walk. It was great to share the story about Emma as an infant. I was working 3rd shift and while Emma slept wonderfully at night she also screamed the whole day! For a (at the time) single Mama trying to work all night and then NOT get any sleep during the day you can imagine it wasnt going well! I started laying my hands on her and praying for her whenever she would cry and she stopped crying all the time! I was excited to share that story with her and her class tonight. I am very excited for her to start Awana this fall. Emma has an amazing memory I believe it is nearly photographic! I cant wait to see all the verses she soaks up! I am excited to see if Grace is the same way as she gets older. Grace is wonderful at praying at the table, and I love to hear the things she prays for!

Food/behavior journal

After talking with the allergist this morning I have decided to continue my food journal with Grace and watch how her behavior changes based on what she eats. Has anyone else done this or had expirience with this? We had a play date with a friend this morning. She is one of the few people Grace just LOVES so she always has fun playing with her and her kids. At the end as we were getting ready to leave, Grace threw a HUGE fit that lasted until we were home and I had her in bed! Poor Emma was covering her ears the whole way home! I am considering having them share a room again so we can pull all the toys out of one room for when Grace is having a fit she can just be alone in that room instead of trashing the house. I am hoping by using the food journal I will find some more correlations between what she eats and how she behaves! She has come a long way and I am hoping this setback is short lived! What are your expiriences with food/behavior??

Here again, gone tomorrow.... here again!

Ahhhh, who needs drama when you are a parent? Your life is full of more than enough of it! The past week has been one of the most draining weeks I have had in quite a while! Grace has been making AMAZING leaps and bounds with her speech! Way fewer meltdowns, and has been doing great at "waiting" for things. Then about a week ago, everything took a turn that so far has NOT been for the better!

A couple of weeks ago Grace got strep again. We took her in the fastcare to get it diagnosed. She was put on an antibiotic. There are 3 ones that they rotate with her. She has been on this antibiotic numerous times with no problems. The one they put her on, they put her on because it has no red dye in it (this is the first time she has been on antibiotics since we found the red dye had an affect on her!), and this is the only one so far (according to the powers that be!) that doesnt have dye in it. She finished the course and about 2 days later broke out in a rash all over her body! She went from just a small rash around her neck to full body rash in 1 1/2 hours! I ended up in the Urgent Care, and we were watching it get worse even as we were sitting in the office! The PA brought in the Dr over her to take a look at it as well. There was some discussion as to whether it was viral or a late allergic reaction to the meds. The conclusion was viral. The next day the rash was travelling around her body and coming and going!

So another call in to the Dr and they suddenly seemed to think it was an allergic reaction! Confused? I was! I talked through both options with them and continued to watch it. 3 days into it and in the evening she was bawling that her head hurt! Holding her head and everything! I gave her some Tylenol and went back in about 10 min later to check on her since she was still crying. Next thing I know, my child who has not thrown up since she was about 6 months old, was vomiting on EVERYTHING In her room! (I do mean EVERYTHING!) I will spare you the gross details. Daddy got her cleaned up and gave her a bath while Mom went into the battle zone! and hour later, the room was airing out while she and I snuggled on the floor (sorry your sick kid but your NOT coming NEAR my couch!!!) She threw up quite a few more times. She never complained about her tummy hurting, only her head.

I didnt feed her anything the next day, and the mysterious rash did not make an appearence. The next day, once she started eating again, the rash started appearing again! I spoke with her allergists office this morning, her allergist was out of town, but they were trying to track him down. I missed the call back from them but should be talking to them in the morning.

The most frustrating part of this is her behavior has suddenly gone WAY downhill! She is trashing rooms, screaming and crying, hitting, bitting, throwing things, and needs her needs met 5 minutes ago or its a 45 minute session to try to calm her down.

Its easy for parents to blow me off and say its just typical 2 year old behavior, but it is NOT! We have worked SO hard to get her beyond this behavior its SO hard to see it back this fast! I am certain she is getting something she shouldnt. This is how she acts when she gets chocolate or red dye. However, I know she isnt getting either! I am VERY ready for my little girl back!

I will say though that even with all this going on, there is some AWESOME stuff going on right now too! She is almost always responding when we tell her we love her, by saying, "I love you too!" She is also beginning to understand lots of issues involving emotion. Her sentences are improving and she is talking about a LOT more stuff! She is telling us things like she wants to run to Daddy, or answering questions about things going on during the day! I am hoping the allergist tomorrow can have some answers for me! I am completely exhausted right now, and my house definitely looks like a tornado hit it! Its hard to keep things picked up when she is in a fit, it seems like her goal is to make as BIG a mess as possible, and by the time she is calmed down, I am to drained to do much about it!

Weisman Center visit

We are heading back into the Weisman Center tomorrow for a follow up apt. This is one of the places we went to have her diagnosed with PDD-NOS. I am excited and nervous. Our last apt there was THE HARDEST apt. I have ever gone to. It was very difficult to have to just sit and watch her struggle through every test. I am excited for the Dr to see all the changes Grace has made, and at the same time nervous she wont see the changes. Grace doesnt do well in new situations sometimes and its possible, since she has been sick, that she wont cooperate. I will be excited to post how the apt go when we get back!

Its been a while since I posted! I just wanted to add a quick update on how my freezer cooking has gone! So far we are on to week 3 of it. Not sure if we will make a full 4 weeks, but I did have 2 extra kids for several days so that may impact it a little! I made all the recipes I had listed and a couple extra even! Every one has turned out very yummy! My all time favorite so far are the cheesy chicken bundles! They are homemade chicken strips with no egg! They are pretty healthy and VERY yummy! IF you are interested in any of the recipes, let me know!

Freezer meals!

This is a totally random posting compared to most of my other ones, but I have had a lot of requests to know how my freezer cooking project is going! So I am going to update you on what I have found so far and what has or hasnt worked for us!

If you dont know what this is, the idea of it is to take a day and do all your cooking and prepping for all your meals for a set time. My goal is to be able to do all the cooking in 1-2 days for the month. This is my first cooking attempt at trying to reach that goal so I cant tell you yet if I reached it! Some of the recipes I am using come from the book Don't Panic Dinner is in the Freezer, and some are recipes I have already had. Part of the concept is to take one batch of ingrediants and make as many meals as possible with it. Its important to do a couple things right off the bat with this. 1. BE REALISTIC! Dont make a bunch of meals you wont eat! Everyone has their own preference. Dont be afraid to try new things, but dont feel you need to change how you eat too. You can always change a recipe to suit your need, or just dont use it! 2. FOOD WASTE! Change portions, double or triple recipes based on the amount your family needs, not just what is listed. All the recipes I will list will be based on my family size which is 2 adults and 2 kids (one of which doesnt eat much so I usually plan a pretty small amount for her!), plan based on what you will use! I keep extra plain meat in the freezer so I can always add to a recipe if company shows up, or it you double or triple meals just pull out a couple bags.

I plan my weekly meals by picking the meal then breaking down the items. Sometimes I alter meals a little to make items fit. The rule of thumb I use is plan 5 meals for 7 days. That way you have 2 days for leftovers, or the lazy pbj night! I am going to list the meals I have planned and then if you are interested in specific recipes, you can message me and I will get you the recipe for it! There are certain things that are always made the same, if a recipe calls for ground beef, I use ground beef, green peppers, and onion. SO, I cook up 3-5 lbs ground beef at a time and divide it up in bags for casseroles or spaghetti. I also do the same with a big batch of taco meat and use it for tacos or to top twice baked potatoes.

Recipes I cooked:

Twice baked potatoes (ten pound bag)

Spaghetti

Several different types of marinaded chicken or pork chops for grilling

Cherokee casserole and green bean casserole

Cranberry chicken

Cheesey Chicken bundles

Chicken Caccatori

Chicken enchiladas

Honey pork chops

Steak picada

As of writing this I still have several recipes to finish up, I am about halfway through but I started so late I cant finish tonight! I will finish up tomorrow afternoon. I also have Creamy wild rice soup and Chicken tortilla soup that I will use some of what i have already cooked to add to it. I also keep several types of unseasoned uncooked meat in the freezer for hamburgers, or to add to other recipes if I need to stretch them or as back ups.

This is the start! If you want to know more about a recipe, let me know or have questions, I will try to answer them! I am learning as I go along myself, but so far I am saving about 1/2 what I normally spend on groceries because you can shop sales on meat etc. You are cooking and freezing it right away, so if the expiriation date is only a few days away its ok.

Brat fry!

We had our first official fundraiser yesterday for Congo! We had a brat fry at Walmart on Rib Mt drive! It was a LONG and totally fun filled day! My sister-in-law, Leah, and her two youngest kids, Noel and Olivia (or as Grace says... Oweebia LOL) came to help us out! We got a little later start than we planned but we were up late the night before making posters to put up and getting everything ready. We were set up and running around 10:30 in the morning. We had a pretty steady stream of people most of the day. Whenever we started to run out we would get a lull and by the time we picked up again we would have had time to restock our supplies! We had a great time! I was very blessed by the amount of people who just donated straight to Congo! I was able to make several connections with other moms and even found a group who offered to help us raise money! It was a great day overall! I had intended to start out the morning once we were set up with all of us praying for a great day. We got hit so fast I never even thought of it. Around the middle of the day my sister-in-law and I both realized we had not had a chance to pray yet and so we did then and prayed for blessings on everyone who visited us that day, the rest of the day was even better after that! The past week I had been feeling very down and discouraged and questioning if should do this, or if anyone even cared about it. I have been praying for an answer to my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I got that answer yesterday!

There were 3 adults (Aaron, Leah and I) and 2 older children as well as Grace in the morning. Even with ALL of us actively watching her, she ran in front of 2 cars in the morning! We were having to keep physical contact with her to stop her from running away. She was increasingly getting upset with the commotion and the new environment she was in. After about an hour, she was just sitting in my lap crying and covering her ears. THIS is EXACTLY why we want a service dog for her! There is an added safety net, and research has shown children's anxiety in new situations is great decreased! A HUGE shout out and thank you to April for being willing to watch her for the day! I would have loved for people to meet Grace, but it was much safer for them to hear about her instead!

I was also able to speak with several other parents of children with ASD. I met parents who had children all over the spectrum, and consistently, EVERY one of them told me what a GREAT idea they thought this was. They all had children who were older than Grace.

God will NEVER give us more than we can handle. He tells us this in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 10:13. He will never give us more than we can handle and He will always provide a way out so that we can stand up under it. This weekend was wonderful! We didnt make thousands of dollars, but we did earn a couple hundred, but this isnt a sprint, its a marathon! More important than the money, I learned that when I feel discouraged and I feel like nothing is ever going to work, all I need is prayer and my Bible, and the answers will always come! THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed for us this far and I ask you to please continue praying! Follow me if you would like to continue to hear about how this journey goes!

Puffin' Stuff

This is taken from The Out of Sync Child Has Fun:

"Puffing on objects strengthens oral-motor skills and also teaches valuable lessons about how things move"

My daughter has a very strong oral need. She will chew anything she can put in her mouth, still uses a pacifier (although we are slowly taking that away), has a special chewie tube she uses as well as a vibrating teething toy. Often times there will be certain things she craves to eat because she likes the texture of them, and certain things she cannot eat because of the texture. When she isnt getting this need met she will resort to biting (herself or others), chewing on her hands excessively, or mouthing other items that are non-food items and may not be safe for her to put in her mouth. This game is great for helping to get that oral input in a safe and fun way!

ITEMS:

Straws (different shaped ones can make for fun and different amounts of blowing will be needed)

Masking tape

different shaped object for blowing (cotton balls, cans, paper cups, ping pong balls, blocks, lids, all different shapes and sizes)

Clear out an area and make a start and finish line using the masking tape

what your child can do (taken from pg 212-213)

Take a straw, choose an item and experiment with puffing it across the floor. Talk about them.

-Weight- heavy objects are more resistant than light objects

-Shape- cones will only move in a circle unless the wind is strong enough to lift them

-Force- brief puffs are less effective than strong, sustained blows

-Angle- blowing straight down on an object is ineffective; finding and aiming at the correct 'sweet spot' is necessary

-Direction- Blowing toward the end of a straw or popsicle stick make it spin, whereas blowing toward the center will move it forward

If one item doesnt move just choose another one (for those kids who are easily frustrated only choose items that will have a positive outcome!)

OTHER VARIATIONS

-Blow without a straw

-blow into a bowl of feathers

-use a tissue or other lightweight item and try to keep it afloat in the air, do this with a friend

-have races with objects

-build obstacle courses to blow objects through

BENEFITS OF THIS

-puffing promotes oral-motor awareness and excersises cheek and lip muscles

-Breathing deeply and sustaining long puffs benefits respiratory system

-Exploring how to puff 'just right' to get various objects going teaches about movement of objects (mechanics), spatial relationships, logic, physics, and forces that act on objects. Also strengthens motor planning and force

-Handling objects with various properties strengthens tactile discrimination, eye-hand coordination, and fine motor skills

-Friendly competition builds strong social skills

Info taken from:

The Out of Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A. pages 212-213

The Out of Sync Child Has Fun!

Do you ever wonder what on earth you are going to do ALL day long with your kids this summer? It is SO easy to turn the TV on and get an hour of peace, but its also easy to let the hour turn into a whole day. I know I am guilty of doing that! The Out of Sync Child Has Fun is the companion book to The Out of Sync Child. It is written by Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A. It's a great book for anyone but especially for those mom's who struggle with sensory issues with their kids. I have decided to pick one or two activities every week this summer to try out and share with you how it is working. Feel free to try out the activities and tell me what you think of them and what the results are! I am going to be targeting specific behavior in my youngest daughter in areas I feel she needs more sensory input, but this is for ANY child not just one who has sensory needs. Follow me a long this summer and see what kind of fun we can have! My next post will have our first activity!

Grace and I met with the Behavior specialist again yesterday. It went really well! He has had some very effective and useful advice for us! His suggestions yesterday were to set up some playdates for Grace with kids that will be laid back and understanding and that we can set up some specific situations to encourage her to interact with other kids. She does great with adults that she likes, because she doesnt have to share and they will seek out her attention most of the time instead of her needing to do it. Thankfully, Grace has a friend that is a great playmate and does a wonderful job of playing with her! I was able to talk with him about Headstart as well and I am feeling more comfortable with the idea of sending her there a few days a week this fall. What ways do you encourage your kids to be more social?

Day 3 of potty training

Day 3 and so far she has totally exceeded my expectations! The last 3 days Grace has successfully pooped on the potty, she has had a few wet diapers/pull-ups but overall, has gone pee several times a day on the potty too! I found fruit snacks to be a great reward! They are something new so it is easy for me to limit them to one or two, and she keeps the whining for treats to a minimum that way. They do have red food dye, but I feel the trade off for a short period of time may be worth it!

This morning she told me she didnt want to use the potty so I told her that was fine and put a diaper on her and just let it go. She then made the choice to use the potty on her own (I did ask a few times but didnt pressure her at all). I think a very laid back approach will be needed with her. With Emma we were pretty intense about it, going every couple hours or more often if she didnt pee and it worked great with her. Every child is different so I think a more laid back approach that isnt pressured will work better with Grace! Im excited to see how she does over the next week or so! GO GRACE!!! :)

Potty Training has begun!

The big day is finally here! We are starting to potty train Grace. Emma was unbelievably easy to train so we are making up for it this round! I first tried to potty train Grace a few months ago, but she was nowhere near ready! We are giving it a try again and so far everything seems to be going well. This has been a completely different expirience this time around. Children with sensory issues have a lot harder time potty training than other children do. Its also a lot more difficult to decide when to do it. There are certain "potty ready" milestones a child needs to hit before they are ready. Children are not able to physically hold their bladder or bowels before 2 years of age. You then want to look for sign such as being able to hold their bladder at least 2 hours, including naptimes. If they let you know they are wet or poopy, or are able to tell you when they are going. They should also be able to sit on a potty or potty chair unassisted and ideally, be pulling up and down their pants with little to no help. Most children will hit these milestones between 2-3 years of age. For kids with sensory issues, these milestones are often not met till much further down the road. Grace hasnt even reached many of them, but is doing relatively well so far so we are going to keep pressing forward!

Yesterday, she refused to sit on the potty at all! She actually took it apart and hid it in different rooms. Then, once I gave up, she put it together and told me she wanted to go potty! Then she sat down and pooped right away! I was SO excited! I gave her 1/2 a popsicle right away for it (unfortunately it was a red one so I paid for that today!) and made a HUGE deal out of it! Then a little later she also peed! WHoopppeeee!!!

This morning she peed a tiny bit right away, but then peed right away in her diaper. (we are rotating between regular pullups and diapers). She did poop again and pee again on the potty today also! Once she is a little more consistent with it, we are going to feel and learn pullups. The struggle we will have is she doesnt seem to recognize the need to pee, although she can tell me when she is doing it on the potty so its a good start! What potty training methods have worked well for you?

The Cafe mom!

This was an article I just read and really enjoyed! Just wanted to pass it on for everyone else to read. I feel like it is very accurate and addresses a LOT of misconceptions people have about Autism!

http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/101079/10_common_autism_myths_special

Yes, I can hear you!

Mom! Mom! Mom! I want___! Repeat 20 times at a scream and welcome to my day. Oftentimes a form of stimming you can see in autistic children is a need to repeat phrases over and over and over. Other times it can present itself as a need for children to get you to repeat them. The advice I have given many parents is to answer once, then ignore it. However, now that I am in their shoes its a whole different ballgame! I have been going to bed more and more often with a pounding headache after hearing my child scream all day long! She has a hard time moderating her actions and words so while I know she is screaming, it just doesnt come across that way to her. Do you ever deal with this? What is your response to it?

Congo- Our service dog!

Dear Family and Friends,

Many of you already know about the struggles we have faced with Grace, our youngest daughter. For those of you who don’t let me bring you up to speed. On October 23, 2008 we were thrilled to announce the birth of Grace Lynn Fiedler to our family! She was delivered safely and pronounced the picture of health, despite a scare during our pregnancy of a concern for Down’s syndrome. She had a little more than the normal illnesses as an infant, but seemed to be doing well. At around a year she began to talk, the sound of her voice was an amazing gift! She said several words, Mommy, Daddy, sissy, even our dog’s name Jersey! Then at around 14 months we began to see a drastic change in her. It was not uncommon for her to scream for up to 4 hours at a time, rolling on the floor flailing her arms and legs and banging her head on the ground. At first we attributed it to a strong-willed child. When it began to happen daily, we sought out advice from our pediatrician. Nothing seemed to help. She stopped talking, and everything was beginning to be a battle. She started to walk and I hoped this would alleviate some of her frustrations. It didn’t. Our lives were becoming an emotional ride of happy and angry moments with her, we never knew what to expect and were always bracing ourselves for the next meltdown. At 18 months she still had not regained the speech she had lost. We were seeing repetitive behaviors that when we tried to stop, she would become extremely upset. We had certain ways we had to do everything with her. I was working as a line therapist for the Wisconsin Early Autism Project. My supervisor recommended I have her tested. I thought, “She doesn’t have autism though”, but I went ahead with it. We met with them when Grace was around 20 months old. Looking at her through their eyes I was surprised at how many signs I had not noticed. Their diagnoses came back PDD-NOS with a Sensory Processing Disorder. Not completely convinced, we went to the Weisman Center in Madison. They are very well known for the research and work with autistic children among many other things. Their diagnoses came back the same, PDD-NOS and Sensory Processing Disorder.

So what is PDD-NOS? It is called Pervasive Developmental Disorder- Not Otherwise Specified. This is a form of autism. When diagnosing autism there are certain criteria that need to be met, a set number of symptoms need to be met from different categories. In some instances, children show several symptoms but for some reason (often because of age) they are unable to meet certain criteria (such as social aspects, a 2 year old is too young to meet these qualifications). In these instances where they show some classic signs, they are given a diagnosis of PDD-NOS. There are no two autistic kids that are alike. It is a spectrum disorder, and kids can fall anywhere on the spectrum. In Grace’s case, the autism is considered moderate.

Sensory Processing Disorder is a lesser known disorder. It affects a lot of children with autism, but it is also just as common in children without autism. It is when children are unable to appropriately process what goes on around them. Some children seek more sensory input while other children shy away from it. At some point we all have a little of this, in children with a disorder, they have a very hard time being comfortable in their own skin. There are many different examples a person can give. In Grace’s case, she seeks more input. Some of the behaviors we see in her are her hitting herself repeatedly, or hitting others. Biting people or things, or putting everything in her mouth to try to satisfy a stronger than normal oral need. She has low muscle tone which makes her “floppier” than normal; she will sometime just fall over when walking trying to get some input. She doesn’t have a good concept of what is considered safe. She will jump of a bench with no one to catch her, then continue to repeat the action despite the fact it may hurt her. She will get out of sorts and have no ability to calm herself down. In some kids what would be a minor temper tantrum can turn into a 2 hour fit of screaming, throwing things, hitting herself, throwing herself in walls, on the floor and a list of other things.

When we first learned all this, we took all the right steps; she is heavily involved with birth to 3 with a speech therapist who sees her on a weekly basis, as well as an occupational therapist who meets with her on a weekly basis. We applied for the state waiver program that allows us to receive funding to get her ABA therapy (Applied Behavior Analysis therapy, so far considered one of the most effective therapies). In the meantime we were pretty much on our own to try to figure out where to go from here. It was a lot of trial and error. Something that helped her one day would not help the next. Some days were full of screams and fights and others were great! We recently found out that we were not approved for assistance. This was a big blow to us. I am home with her on a daily basis so I see the impact that this is having not only in our lives, but also in her development. I feel the pain that Emma (her 5 year old sister) goes through when Grace out of nowhere meltdowns while they are playing.

I recently heard about service dogs for autistic children. I was intrigued and started doing some research. I was astounded by what I learned! I was reading testimonials from other families who had gotten service dogs and how their lives were before. I felt like I was reading our story on there! I was amazed at the progress I was hearing kids made. After doing some research, I came up with a place I felt would best suit our needs. Compassionate Paws, Inc is a company located in Wisconsin and is only about 45 minutes from our home.

So how will a service dog benefit us? When Compassionate Paws trains a dog they are trained in basic obedience, public access, behavior redirection, deep pressure, and boundary training. Behavior redirection is necessary when an autistic child is engaging in a behavior we want to stop, but by pointing it out you can often encourage instead of discourage the behavior. An example for Grace of this is called stimming. This is an act that can help to calm a child down or get a child more worked up and lead to a meltdown. In Grace’s case, she does what is called pressure stims. The more she does it, the closer to a meltdown she is. When we tell her stop, it only encourages her to do it more. We use redirection instead, which interrupts her behavior and engages her in something else without ever directly addressing the behavior. The dog would do this by asking to be petted, placing a paw on her, or a similar action. How our dog will do may be different, the cue is specific to the dog and taught during training. Children with sensory issues often benefit from deep pressure activities. This could be being “squished” by a pillow, or laying under a weighted blanket, the dog will also be able to lay down with her to help her calm down in stressful situations. Boundary training is where we will be alerted if Grace leaves our house, or when we are out in public if she goes to take off we can give the command, “Grace stop!”, and that will signal the dog to lay down which will stop Grace. This is especially important to us as this is a growing problem we are having. Several times, Grace has tried to run into parking lots, or has gotten out of our house, and this is a big fear for us!

Other benefits a service dog can provide for her is a decreased sense of anxiety, better ability to separate from parents, it can be used as a tool to encourage her to talk to people, less meltdown, an increase in self-confidence, and the list can go on and on! We feel at this point we are stuck in a sort of rut with her. When she is with us, we are seeing lots of improvements, unfortunately, it is only when she is with family at home, or with her small group of trusted people, that we see these improvements. We are hoping that by getting her a service dog we can help her break out of her shell with other people as well.

So where do you come in? The goal we need to reach is $9,000.00 for this dog. It’s a lot of money! Once we have our dog approved, we will begin fundraising for the money. If you are receiving this, I am hoping that you will be willing to help us out. We will be looking for help in many ways (not just monetary!), if you are interested in going on this journey with us, you can e-mail me at jennfiedler82@yahoo.com with your contact information and I can get in touch with more ways you can help!

This is the initial letter I have sent out to many friends and families about this journey we have recently started! Congo has been approved and you can see him and Grace in the picture above. Training will begin any day, he has been with the trainer for a couple weeks now and so far all reports have come back great. We have to have the funds raised by 1-13-12. This is a lot a money and not a lot of time! I hope that you will help us out! Ways you can help is to go to Servive Dog for Gracie on facebook and like us and stay updated on ways you can help, what is going on, and share this with your friends! Also you can go to www.compassionatepaws.org and under the project section see Paws for Gracie, there you can read a little bit more about why we are doing this and also make a tax-deductible donation! I will post the links at the bottom! I look forward to hearing YOUR feedback on what we are doing! What do you think, do you have questions? Post them here! :)

www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Service-Dog-for-Gracie/167565529965478

www.compassionatepaws.org Under project section see project blogs then Paws for Gracie

So much to say, so little time!

Grace had her surgery on Friday, the 15th. It went really well, they kept her overnight to observe her, and she loved the popsicles and jello! She is very sore and so is being pretty laid back, but overall she is doing well. My house may take some time to recover, as it is covered in popsicles and jello, but such is life sometimes! We are officially getting a service dog also! It is 6:30 however, and my daughter is crying so that info will come out later! Check back and read it, help us out!

Service dogs for autism?

I recently came across some information involving service dogs for kids with autism! This was fascinating to me, it makes perfect sense, although I never would have thought of it! After spending most of the night and morning researching this I have found a lot of useful information on the subject. My husband and I have always noticed Grace LOVES animals and dogs especially. Service dogs with autistic children help to calm them down during meltdowns, are trained to help stop a child from running off, or to alert a parent in the event a child does run away, and are also trained in search and rescue! Some of the websites I have looked at talk about dogs having the ability to even redirect a child who is stimming, or to help with sensory overloads as well as many other things! As you can imagine the cost for something like this is very high! I have found prices ranging from $6,000-$16,000! In some instances it can be even higher! There are places you can contact that will assist you in training your own service dog as well for a much lower fee. The breeds they look at are larger breed such as labs, german shepherds, and rotts along with many othe herding breeds. They look for loyalty (but not protectiveness as this could be dangerous in a dog that is exposed to a lot of people) which these breeds are known for. I am very interested in this topic and would be interested to hear your feedback on it! I am going to look into some research in it and possibly look into one for Grace! Some of our longterm problems we have had are aggresiveness (she often hits herself and others when she is upset and sometimes when she is sensory seeking), wandering off, a lack of a sense of safety (she will jump off of objects way to high for her or walk into situations completely oblivious of danger), extreme tantrums, anxiety when outside the house, and a reluctance to interact with other people. Everyone of these issues where addressed with service dogs and many children had greatly reduced tantrums, less anxiety, better sleep, and a whole list of other benefits! What are your thoughts?

Rough day!

Grace had a really rough day yesterday! We made a trip to the WIC office where Grace got upset at the nurse and the day went downhill from there! She has a tough time recovering somedays when something upsets her. She screamed through the rest of the appointment and the whole time I was paying a bill. I was getting strange looks from people so I finally said, "You all want to scream in public sometimes too it just isnt socially acceptable for you to!" I know that when Grace is in the middle of a meltdown, she is just as miserable screaming and crying as I am listening to it! I know she doesnt want to do it, but she just doesnt have any other way to deal with what is stressing her out at the moment. When a child with a visible issue (such as Downs Syndrome) is throwing a fit people look at them and think, that poor mom what a great mom! When a kid with autism or another issues that isnt so obvious is throwing a fit, the mom gets looked at like she is a bad parent! Sometimes I just want to yell at people when we are out, and at the same time I feel frustrated at me that I even care what they think! Its so easy as a parent to judge other parents. Its always easier to tell other people what they should or shouldnt do with their child, but until you have walked in their shoes, you have no idea! Since I have begun this journey with Grace I have realized I was one of those moms who always gave my opinion, and I have tried to change that and only offer advice if it is wanted. Every new mom goes through the phase of everyone telling her what to do! I've gone from being the mom who gets annoyed at other people's screaming kids to being the whose annoying other people because my kid is screaming! It amazes he sometimes how we learn lessons in life! I was reading a verse this morning that touched on this for me, it is II Timothy 1:7 "For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline." That verse meant a lot to me. It reminds me when I am frustrated and down and feel like no one understands what I am going through that God did not make me to feel this way, he didnt make me to sneak through places unnoticed but to hold my head high and in everything I do strive to show God's love. It was a great verse for me after the day I had yesterday!

Are you lactose intolerant?

We have been trying to determine if Grace is lactose intolerant. From everything we have seen we are sure that she is. So, thanks to moneysavingmom.com I have found a wonderful solution! Lactaid milk is expensive! (lets face it, milk at all is expensive these days!) You can purchase lactase drops (about $14 a bottle) online, or at a health food store. I prefer to buy them online since you can get coupons for future orders oftentimes (my next bottle I get 50% off for doing a quick survey of how I liked the product). I am still researching all the ways you can use them, but here is what i have learned so far! The reason people are lactose intolerant is because their body does not produce enough lactase in order to break the lactose down into lactaid which you body then uses (confused yet?). The lactase drops essentially do the work for you, and convert regular milk into lactaid milk. For one gallon of milk you would use 56 drops (more or less as needed). You then allow the milk to sit for 24 hours to break down the lactose. One bottle of lactase drops can convert 12 gallons of milk. You can also use the drops in yogurt, ice cream or any other lactose containing product (I am not sure of what the amount would be however, still researching that one!) I have also read that you can mix it with water and drink it just before consuming lactose containing ingrediants. I am not sure of what the amounts are. You can also buy lactaid chews that will accomplish the same thing. We use the drops because Grace is not old enough for the chews yet. To buy a gallon of lactose free milk is around $8.00 (it costs about $3.88 for the generic brands for a 1/2 gallon). Depending on where you get your milk (we use quik trip since its the cheapest around here) It is about $2.69 for a gallon of 2% milk. The prices may vary a little depending on where you live. At 2 gallons a week for Lactaid milk you would be paying an average of $62 a month. If you use the regular milk and add the lactose drops you would be spending about $30 a month on milk. $2.69 a gallon adding $1.14 per gallon of milk ($14 of lactase drops divided between 12 gallons of milk). It saves a lot of money! I have found the drops to be just as effective as the the lactaid milk, the only difference is you do need to prepare it a day in advance. I hope this helps you save some money, it has saved us a lot!

Time to take out the tonsils!

Well, its official, Grace got strep again last friday (April fool's day!). The last time she had it was March 9, and after she finished her antibiotics she was rechecked and it came back negative. It is officially time for the tonsils to come out! The ENT is calling me Monday to schedule the appointment. I am VERY nervous! I am not so much nervous about the procedure, but I am nervous about how she will react afterwards. She is the type of kid who will scream because she is in pain and throw BIG tantrums. If her throat hurts she tends to scream a lot more, she hasnt made the connection yet that screaming makes it hurt more! I find it easy to trust God to protect her through the surgery, I also have to remember to trust God to protect her afterwards! Do you have any young kids who had their tonsils out? What were your experiences?

Vaccinations and Autism

The first question I have been asked by anyone who hears my daughter has autism is, " do you think it is from vaccinations?" I have been asked this questions by daycares, teachers, nurses, and nearly anyone I have come in contact with! My answer is always a resounding NO! I feel very strongly about this, and so here is my stand on the vaccination issue. If someone chooses not to vaccinate their child, that is fine, however, my response when I hear this, it make sure you are doing it for the right reasons! SO many people are making this decision based on false information. I would like to address these issues, and show you some research and hopefully share some information that will be useful!

The first thing to address, is when did people start believing vaccinations caused autism (specifically it is the MMR vaccine that is thought to be the culprit). The MMR vaccine was introduced in the United States in the early 70's. It was not until the Wakefield study was published in 1998 that people connected the vaccine and autism. The study involved 12 children. 12 children and the world changed their minds! In 2010 it was proven that Wakefield faslified his study (several studies have tried to recreate his findings and been unable to, this is the test of a hypothesis, can it be recreated?). The study actually stated that the MMR vaccine had a correlation between a bowel disease and autism. The MMR allegedly caused both. People picked up on the autism part of it (not even the bowel part that was included in the study.) People began to be paranoid we had an autism epidemic! The reality is, there has not been an increase in autism. What has increased is the criteria that needed to be met.

It used to be that autism a diagnoses only given to severe cases (I am using this info from a lecture with a woman who has worked with autism for over 30 years. She has her Ph.D. and is an educational psychologist) such as kids unable to communicate who had severe autism the image you get of kids who rock and handflap all the time. It was then changed in the 40's when Aspergers was first diagnosed. It was not added to the DSM (diagnostic and statistical manual) until the DSM IV came out. Then later, PDD-NOS was also added. We havent increased the number of kids with autism, we have simply increased the circle of kids who fall in it. This is not a bad thing. Children with autism simply come from a different mold, why force them into a mold they dont fit into! If changing your parenting style can solve a lot of kids behavioral problems, why not do it? Why force a kid in a mold they dont fit?

So how do we know a kid with autism didnt get it from a vaccine? The brain of an autistic person is different from birth. They have more white matter, more short connections (within one hemisphere of the brain) and fewer long connections (which connect the two hemisphere and share information to each other) without making this even longer, this explains a lot behavior we see in autistic kids. Most likely a child with autims shows signs from birth, but we dont recognize them until we realize the social factors (which start to show between ages 1-3 also when they receive the MMR vaccine). You may notice your childs gross motor skills (why yes, my child sits alone, crawle, etc) but we often dont look at social skills in young children. I can look back at my daughter now, and realize there were problems before she was even a year old!

I feel very strongly on this topic. I beleive every person needs to make the decision to vaccinate their child based on their own study and beliefs. We dont answer to people, we answer to God. It is my desire, though, for peopel to find accurate information to back up their decision! We did spread out our vaccinations with Grace, but mostly because she doesnt have a strong immune system and was often sick. With Emma, she got them all at the scheduled times. What are your views on vaccinations?

websites used for this:
www.wikipedia.com
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro98/202s98-paper1/Taverna.html
http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/news/20060816/autism-affects-childs-entire-brain