God Rocks :)

God Rocks :) I have to say, while in my head I know that I do not need to worry or stress or fear anything because I have a God who will protect me, take care of me, and make my life way more and way better than I could ever do, that doesn't mean my heart felt it. Have you heard the phrase, fake it till you make it? Sometimes in life that is exactly how I feel! I know without a doubt that God is greater than any problem, it doesn't always mean I am running around jumping with smiles on my face. Sure, I have joy in my heart, but not always in the rest of me! The last few weeks have really taken a toll on me! I haven't been sleeping, I am struggling to try to fit in work, kids, a newborn, school, and cleaning my house! I pretty much feel like I have flopped at all of it! I have just felt so overwhelmed and unsure of everything. I feel like I am praying for peace that is just completely out of my reach. I know you have all felt the same way at times too! Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 is by far my favorite section of verses in the Bible. There is a time for everything and everything has its season. It is important to realize when we feel lost and alone that it is just a season. There is a time and purpose for all of it. I have kept on telling myself that, I know it in my heart, but it is just so hard to still walk around and not feel scared to death about whats going to happen next?

Then I had several thoughts today that just brought true smiles to my face and made me say Thank You God!

1. I have a 10 week old baby who has consistenly now slept till 5-7 am for almost a week!

2. All afternoon Grace was able to play without any meltdowns!

3. A big form of assistance we needed not only came through, but came through at 3x what I expected!

4. Hope has gotten on a great schedule and is proving over and over to be a very easy baby!

5. My husband loves me

6. God loves me!

7. I have a church family and friends! Not just friends that are casual friends, but real ones I call to tell the great and bad things about my life!

8. Emma got to come for the weekend and for the first time in a long time I was able to just spend some one on one time with her! She is an absolute joy, incredibly smart, and the most perfect daughter anyone could ask for!

9. See above and thats all my kids :)

10. Even though Grace is not an easy kid, because of her I have made some amazing friends and connections that allowed me to help other people as well!

And the best of all one yet :) It is easy to allow myself to separate from my emotions. I am quick to put up walls. On Saturday night I was reminded of something very very awesome and a moment in my life where God's presence was SO tangible I could just feel his arms around me!

When Emma was a baby, there was a phase (2ish months although really at the time it felt like forever!) where she would sleep 12 hours at night, but scream ALL day. The crappy thing was.... I was working 3rd shift! I actually would go 2-3 days at a time without getting any sleep. If you know me at all, let me tell you, thats not cool! I just flat out do not handle not getting sleep! I was literally at my wits end and completely ready to lose it. I would call Aaron (who lived in WA at the time) just bawling I was SO tired! I had just begun to attend church with an amazing woman of God who worked at Timber-lee. She really and truly changed my life! She passed away several years ago due to cancer, and I still think of her often! She took me out to lunch after church one Sunday. During the service she had recommended I take her up to the pastor and ask him to lay hands on her and pray for her. Something I had NEVER done, but I did it. Her and another friend were taking turns holding her so I could eat a meal in peace afterwards. I commented that she seemed to relax when Cathy had her and she must have the magic touch. Holly said to me, "Cathy is a prayer warrior, she is praying for Emma." Holly then walked me through a prayer to pray for her. I would do that from then on when Emma cried, it made such a huge difference! I can remember walking around after Aaron and I had gotten married, just holding Emma with my hands on her and singing worship songs and praying for her. I did the same thing a few weeks ago for Hope when she was screaming one night and I couldn't seem to calm her down. That was also the first night Hope slept through the night :) One of the songs  I use to sing to Emma is one we sang last Saturday. It just brought back such a feeling of calm. Tomorrow may be a whole new day of learning to let go of my unhappiness and sadness and frustration. But for today, I just remember that God DOES give peace, and when I cant find it, its only a season until I get it back again.